Tuesday, January 31, 2012

noggin smooches

Welp... we go to get Emmaus' helmet tomorrow morning. I have a lot of mixed feeling about it. I am so thankful that we can afford to get it for her, and that I won't have a 16 year old upset with me because her head it flat. But I am sad because I will miss her noggin for the next 3-6 months. I will miss her baby fine hair, and watching it change and grow every day. I will miss smooshing my face against her head and snuggling her and not feeling soft skin but hard plastic instead. I am nervous about the worlds perception of her. I am nervous about hearing little kids ask their parents why she has a helmet on. I guess I just long for our lives to be as "normal" as possible and I think for the most part even though at times out life feels completely abnormal, it appears normal to others. And this kinda changes that- for the moment. On the up side we ordered a pink helmet and I have made a ton of great bows to put on the helmet via velcro to match her outfit. New rule starting tomorrow- this kid doesn't leave the house without a bow. 

So because today was the last helmet-less day for a while I took the opportunity to snap some helmet-less picks of my girl. 

 On a more happy note Emmaus' physical therapy is going so well. She is really starting to want to play with toys and understand that she controls her hands and feet. She Is rolling onto her sides and with very little help fully onto her belly. She is starting to put weight on her feet, and even started jumping in her bouncer last night. It was such a joyful moment for us after months of working to get her to "bounce bounce" and not just pick up her feet when they touch the floor. The look of glee on her face when she started jumping was something to behold.
Trying to decide if she wants to play or not
Emmaus with her PT Trina working to put weight on her hands with her therapy ball.

Working on bang-banging on her "drum" (it actually is a tin from hobby lobby that says "for decoration only not a toy" whoopsy)  
Trina showing Emmaus that her feet are attached to her. Emmaus thought it was SOOOO funny and laughed and laughed.

Well that is all for tonight. 

Love, La

Monday, January 30, 2012


Today was a day to rest and play. To recover from the yuckies that have been taking up residence at our house. And to go on a walk cause it was 68 degrees today (IN THE MIDWEST IN LATE JANUARY?!?! ummm what?).  After a long night of being up with the sicky we slept in until 1030 today. (Yes my child slept that long- be jealous-however I did nurse her at 6 and we were up a considerable amount of the night) So we stayed in our jammies for a long time today. I am catching this dang bug too. Big Bummer.

 The little has taken to a new fondness of screaming. It is a happy scream at least-a squeal really. She sounds like a bit of a pterodactyl or something in my opinion. She especially squeals when there is a lot of talking happening or when she is jumping in her jumper. Or anytime you need her to be quiet. Like when our pastor was talking at church last night.

I still can't get over it- a walk? In late January. Awesome. (Some of us thought it was less awesome and decided to sleep instead of enjoy the wonderful weather)

Love, La

Friday, January 27, 2012

7 months!

 Dear sweet girl-
   Yesterday you turned seven months old! I can hardly believe how big you are getting and how fast you are changing. You continue to be a delightful little girl. This month you have started forming opinions about things, which I think is just great. You have been so mellow for so long it is nice to see a little attitude from you. You really love to play and we have been working on reaching for toys this month. You have started having much better trunk control and sit up very strong in our laps when we hold you. You started sleeping through the night this month. You take a bottle around 9pm then go to sleep. You are very good about falling asleep on your own, you wake several times during the night, but go back to sleep on your own and then wake up for the day around 630 or 7am. (One night I just got tired of feeding you at 4am, so I stopped, and you did very well with that!) About two weeks after you started sleeping all night long you started getting teeth and starting waking up very fussy at night. Man those teeth hurt! You are now the proud owner of two bottom teeth. (And a very nice cold, cough and ear infection that started from the teeth congestion) Your seizures have been pretty well controlled this month and you have started taking your meds so much better!! (praise Jesus!) You really love your Johnny Jumper right now, and although you don't jump in it yet, you do put some pressure on your feed and spin in it.
You love to eat and are truly a wonderful eater. You eat all types of foods but prefer fruits to veggies. (Mean mommy makes you eat them anyway). You nurse around 5 times a day and eat foods 3 times. Although you are the chubb master chubbs I see that you are starting to thin out some as you move more.
You have started to know me, which I love. You don't necessarily prefer me, but you are more aware of my presence. You love your daddy too and smile at him the most.
I started working weekends this month. I get to be home with you all week and you spend all weekend with daddy. He takes great care of you.
You love watching the Ellen Show and The View- you think the ladies are talking to you and you talk back to them. (I don't let you watch much tv, but you love it when I do)
You may not be developmentally on target, but you make strides every day. We are so incredibly proud of you. Your joyful sweet personality encourages those around you. And your smile lights the dark places in the day. We are so blessed to be your parents.
Love, Mom
Playing with henry the horse in your johnny jumper

You got tired of playing and decided to nap instead
You love to snuggle and still will lay on your daddy's "chest" aka across his whole torso to sleep 

Swimming. And super blue eyes

Time with uncle "bobert" who snuggled you even though you are sick (You will understand how much that shows his love for you when are a little older)

Time with Grammy or Gma (you get to decide her name)

Snuggling with Grandma D. 

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Little sicky

Today there was a lot of this happening in our house.  Emmaus was very tired and grumpy and REALLY loved her binki (which she hasn't used for 3 months) She didn't eat a whole lot and slept pretty much all day. Turns out she has an ear infection which caused a fever, and those darn teeth aren't helping much either.

Then when daddy got home the snuggling continued. At one point he tried to put her down and she let out the most ear piercing scream. They snuggled right back onto the couch and she was back to dream land. Poor baby.

 Emmaus now knows that the blue bulb is to be feared...we also have a nose frida that she cries at the sight of as well. (If you aren't familiar with that check it out- its kinda gross, but works incredibly well)
And then there is this. It is a tub of outgrown clothing. I started sorting it yesterday, but today had my hands were busy holding the little sicky. It is in our living room and causing Dan a great deal of anxiety. (which I find kinda amusing).He doesn't like things out of place you know. 

Lets hope the little feels more like herself tomorrow
Love, La

Monday, January 23, 2012

Love hate Pintrest relationship

I know everyone else pretty much LOVVVES pintrest. However, I only kinda love it. First I think we all can agree on how easy it is to get sucked into its pinned goodness and stay up half the night, don't get our house cleaned, homework done or dogs walked because of it.

I love it because of its endless organizing ideas, easy meal ideas and OUTFIT IDEAS! Holy cow! I need those outfit ideas. I am too cheap to buy magazines and we don't have the style channel anymore so I am sunk. I used to babysit all the time for this family. They pretty much have great style (even their 5 & 2 year old). Anyway- sometimes I would steal ideas from what I would see the mom wearing cause I knew it was in fashion, or spend hours after the kids went to bed looking through their billions of magazines (their magazine collection is extremely impressive-like their house would go up in smoke fast if God forbid it ever caught on fire- but I took full advantage of reading all of them)  I still frequently wear my workout pants all day or just jeans and a t-shirt, but I am working on having more pulled together cute outfits. I mean Heck I dress my kid cute...I should look cute too. I digress.


I dislike pintrest because of the crafting ideas. I am an avid crafter. I made a lot of less than perfect things before I got good at it, but now I think my products turn out really well, and I have a high standard for how they end up. Whether it is sewing, or more simpler crafts I still take pride in a very good finished product.
Some...okay a LOT of the tutorials on the site are CRAP...yet I know people are doing them. Word (s) of advice.
-If it seems like the craft should need sewing, yet claims to be no-sew... steer clear.
-You CAN'T do everything with hot glue.
-If it involves cutting up a t-shirt and stringing ribbon through it... don't pin that one (OR WEAR IT IN PUBLIC!)
-If your craft calls for office supplies, utensils, or toilet paper rolls for the craft it isn't going to turn out as good or even  CLOSE to the picture so your "cheap project" will looks cheap.

I'm trying to figure out what my point is. I guess it is that while I love some parts of pintrest, and it has a bunch of great ideas, there are some equally bad ones. And maybe my best friend that is a pastry chef rolls her eyes when I tell her the new cookie recipe I got off pintrest, because she knows it is crap...but I roll my eyes at the crafts people pin. Because a lot of them are crap.

Remember...if you are new to crafting, choose projects that are appropriate for a beginner.
Craft because you like it, not to make money at it. (Its an added bonus if you can make money at it. But not a reason to craft)
Ask a friend to teach you a new skill. If you want to learn something ask someone who is GOOD at that thing, and offer to teach them your skill.
Remember- these are just my craft-snob opinions and sorry if your house is covered in toilet paper art and I super offended you.
see this is actually kinda boring...and you might think you like it but  its because the pillows are so fabulous...and I'm guessing those were not "crafted" although my gma who has true skills could have made them. 

mmmkay.  I don't even like this, but if you do- I promise yours won't look half this good infact I bet it even looks like you smooshed tp rolls and stuck them to the wall. 

Speaking of pintrest. I saw this on there. I probably will never attempt it...or at least not without help from someone who can do some kind of wood working BUT HOW GREAT IS THIS?!? A Closet turned into a computer desk area? I am in love.

And that's all for now. I love and hate you pintrest.
Love, La

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Cutest knight at the round table

So the little chubbs has developed quite a flat head. After all my insistence that it is getting rounder, and everyone else somewhat disagreeing we decided to have it checked out. Turns out it is indeed very flat (although evenly flat at that) and she is a very good candidate for a helmet to help round it out.
At first I was kinda freaked out. Our lives already seem kinda abnormal to me, but one of the best things is we can be out in public for now without people being aware that she is any different than any other baby. I know a helmet will change that and bring stares. However, after much thought I realized it would be much easier (although not cheaper) to just slap a helmet on the kid for a few months so I don't have to spend so much time focused on how she is sitting/laying/sleeping, ect in hopes that it will round out naturally. I already spend a great deal of time working with her on development things, so getting the helmet instead of having to worry so much about positioning is kinda a stress reliever. Plus, I don't want to have some teenager mad at me because she can't wear her hair a certain way because it shows her head is flat and I didn't do enough to fix it. ( I honestly think if she was a boy we might think more before dropping the cash to fix it, but girls just put to much of their identity into looks- sadly)
Aww....flat headitis -it's what my friend would call a Johnson Country Problem. (Johnson county is the county we live in and one of the wealthiest in the country) It is a problem that is not a real problem, but that still kinda becomes a big deal somehow, but really only is a big deal when there are few real problems to be found.
Anyway- the little chubbs will be getting a pink helmet a week from wednesday. Hopefully she will have it off before her first birthday and will have a round head to show for it. (At least people will stop asking how old HE is with a pink helmet on RIGHT?!?!)

So we had to get her fitted. They do this super cool scan thing that makes a 3d image of her head and face. It was the cutest little 3d chubby face I have EVER SEEN!
They gave her this mesh hat thingy to wear for the scan. I thought she looked like a knight from a monty python movie
I really can't handle all the chubby knight cuteness in this pictur
or maybe a pixie of some type...

The guy who fitted her said kids usually freak out by the "mesh knight hat" but she didn't mind one bit.

I am kissing that noggin like crazy. Soon it will be covered up 23 hours a day. Luckily those chubb cheeks will still be good for smooching. 


*Thanks to my friend Steph for the blog title. 

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Carpe Diem

So- Have you all read THIS article?
It's written by a blogger mom who talks about not seizing the day. Her article makes a whole lot of sense. The best part is at the end when she talks about time. Kairos and Chronos are the two types of time. Our church talks a WHOLE lot about these time frames. Chronos are the MINUTES and the day, and Kairos are the MOMENTS in the day. I love that perspective. I was reading a couple of comments that were written about the article and here is some of what I saw.

One women said "Even after this article so many women were talking about how they still try to seize the day. Like they are BETTER moms than I am"

Then another mom said "maybe these moms should blog less and have more "moments" they can appreciate. "

ummm wow. Both of those comments really irk me. Maybe I am being kinda sensitive, but let me lay it out here.

Being a parent is really hard. Period. If you have one "normal" child and that is all you ever have that is REALLY HARD in itself. If you add more children, or any type of "issue" that makes your child fall outside of that "typical" range it gets harder. Now- that being said I STILL fall into the carpe diem category. I am not going to be one who makes parenting look/sound like roses all the time- read back a few blogs, I think it is clear I have my struggles. But I will say to a new mom that is getting up at night every few hours, or sitting up for hours at a time with their awake babe at night, to try and enjoy those moments. Because they don't last forever. (This is coming from a woman who's almost 7month old doesn't sleep through the night yet- I understand being tired I understand thinking "can you just go the fuck to sleep" but I try to choose the attitude of joy EVEN in those situations). I am trying to love the days I have with my child. Are they hard? Yes. Are they always fun? No. Have we be both been in tears at times? uh huh. But I do believe that choosing Joy as a parent is very important.  I am not trying to make it sound like I have this all figured out (again read back a few blogs- obviously I don't). I just try to enjoy each day in itself.  To have joy not only in the days, but the moments as well.

Now- to the mom that comments about blogger moms. We are remembering the moments by blogging. I blog because I want to remember. I want to be a good memory keeper as a mother.  And lets be honest it is therapeutic.
Just remember there is always someone who wishes they could be in your situation. Someone who wants so badly to have a child, someone who (like the article says) wishes they could buy their groceries without feeling stressed financially.
I'm not trying to give a guilt trip. We all process, act, parent, seize the day or seize the moments differently.
I just challenge you to choose Joy. Cause these days will pass too quickly. Your babes will be grown, your hairs will be greying, and you won't get these precious moments back.

Love, La

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

More reflections from me

I promise soon I will stop reflecting so much and get back to my normal blogs-
But not today.
I've been kind of reflective with the start of the new year. I've been thinking about our life over the last few years. About friendships. About the bitter or hard places in my heart. I am definitely in a season of being pruned, of trials, of waking up each morning and letting God be my strength. The mornings I get up and decide to leave God out of the equation lead to hard days. Days of being annoyed with the little things, feeling sorry for myself and being completely unproductive. The days I wake up and hand God the day ahead are good days. Some of the best I've ever had. 
Cause I get to spend them with this little gal. She is changing me. She is changing my heart. She is causing me to love better, have greater faith, and to long for the kingdom of heaven to be here. 
(Well really Jesus is changing me, but she is the spark that is causing the fire to grow)

I've always had a good community of friends that has surrounded me. But in the last year I have truly found a community that is centered around Jesus. That is quick to pray for each other. That challenges me to change, to be better, to love Jesus more and to love others better. Friends that don't feel sorry for me, but are sorry with me. That share with me their lives woes even if it seems like no big deal compared to what we face with Emmaus...(cause it is a big deal, because these are peoples lives we are talking about) I LOVE THAT. I love that I have been allowed to still be present in their woes and their joys even if I have junk going on in my life.

Life is good right now. We have a lot going on. There is a lot of sadness that happens in my days. But a lot of joy too. There are not so fun things that we have to tackle, but in the grand scheme of things we are changing and growing, and while there are growing pains, beauty is coming out of these ashes.

My goal for this year is to stop and pray. When I am sad, or frustrated, or not sure what to do. Or when I hear things come out of peoples mouths that upset me. Just to stop and pray. Pray for those people, pray for myself, pray for Emmaus. To run my mouth less and pray more.

I guess that is enough thoughts for now-
oh- one more thought. Why don't you follow my blog? I know you are reading it- a lot of you are reading it. Regularly. So why not become a follower? Click FOLLOW at the top of the page on the blogger tool bar thingy.

Love, La
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day
2cor 4:12

Saturday, January 14, 2012

JoCo not Granola

This morning I went to the diaper swap at happybottomus. Um WOAH. I think of myself as a kinda naturally minded person. I cloth diaper. I believe natural childbirth is completely normal. I like to look to nature before medicine (which I find completely amusing considering both my kid & my hubby are on LOTS of meds).
Anyway- today I learned I might lean towards natural...but I am definitely NOT granola. Holy cow! The cloth diapering moms that were at this swap were HARD CORE! Most babies I saw there were clothed mainly in hemp & wool & were using some really crazy cloth diapers as opposed to the very similar to disposable, ones that we use.

I am the JOCO version of a cloth diapering mom. The one woman I bought diapers from looked very similar to me in style. Her table was the least granola (and I assume her baby was clothed in baby gap or carters clothing) and she has all bum genius diapers that were barely worn because cloth diapering didn't work out for them (SCORE FOR ME). She had lower prices, yet no one was at her table because I think they all thought she was too JOCO...not serious enough.
It was super funny & I got some barely worn great diapers on the cheap.

On a not so fun note Emmaus is getting teeth. This is great except that it is causing lots of sleepless nights. She wakes up a lot a night anyway because she has most of her seizures at night. But usually she goes back to sleep no problem. But with the teeth coming in she is waking up due to the seizures AND then staying awake because she is hurting. Bahh... Apparently tylenol and ora-gel don't help her much either. Poor baby. Tired mommy & daddy.  She does kinda like cold teething rings, however, she doesn't have the motor skills yet to hold it in her own mouth yet. So last night we sat up with her holding the dang things in her mouth for her to chew on. Which don't get me wrong we are very happy to do.

Lucky me I get to work tonight sooo I have a perfect reason to get a long nap in today! Thank you Jesus for nap time!

Love, La

Friday, January 13, 2012

swimsuit season

The belly.The arms.The thigh ruffles. 
Looks like someone's ready for swimsuit season...

P.S. if you squint really hard you can see the two little teeth at the bottom of that smile. 

Love, La

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Time to think

Tonight I got to get out of the house for a little bit. I couldn't remember the last time that I wasn't with Dan, Emmaus or at work...so I had some alone time. As soon as I was truly alone (or at least wandering hobby lobby by myself)  I realized why I seldom am alone. Because without anyone else to care for or look after, my own thoughts take over and truly I am a mess of a person right now.

I spent sometime thinking about everything happening in our lives. About Dan and I, about Emmaus and all the stuff she faces, and we face with her. About the damn helmet she "needs" to get because her head is flat, about the glasses that eye doctor says she will need soon (both of these things stress me out more than a little) and here is what I came away with.

We can do this. We can be excellent parents for Emmaus. And its not a matter of surviving. It is a matter of living joyfully. Not only about taking the challenges that come each day, but about letting myself feel joy with her. See the thing is...there is surviving-which is what I have been doing, and then there is living.  Living is a tricky thing though. It comes with not only joy, but pain too.  So while trying to block out the hard stuff, and just survive. I have been missing out on the joy too.

So no building up walls to protect myself from the hard stuff...because turns out it blocks out the happy stuff too.

In saying that I am also going to start doing a better job of guarding my heart. (sounds contrary to not building walls huh?-but its not really) Certain things just aren't encouraging to me right now. They aren't helpful. So instead of listening to those things, instead of letting people discourage me (even though usually it is unintentional) with their words, stories, or comments I am going to just say no thank you to those things.

It was good to get out tonight. To think.

I am so glad to have Emmaus in our lives. So glad SHE is my daughter. I am being refined day by day. And it is largely in part due to her. I am stretching, and growing, and changing. And it hurts. But it is good. Cause I am becoming a better person.

Love, La

Monday, January 9, 2012

Why I've been absent

So my last blog might have been a little raw...and maybe not the most upbeat...however- we are doing really well around here.  And my almost week lap in blogging has actually nothing to do with how things are here.
You see... I decided I would take January off from crafting. Kinda like a fast. I mean its not the strictest thing. I made bows for Emmaus and I have some leg warmers to make, so maybe its more of a diet than a fast.
So I got the Hunger Games for Christmas...
Seriously. If you aren't on the bandwagon jump on. These books ARE SO GOOD. I might DO like them more than twilight! WHAT?!?!?!
I am almost done with the last book (that I got this morning) and read the first two since last tuesday....So between taking care of Em & reading that leaves little time for blogging.

Today I went to a going-out-of-business sale at the cloth diaper store in town.
1. As much as I love cloth diapering and it is kinda sad they are going out of business they didn't have the greatest customer service so I'm not shocked.
2. By the time I got there, there was not a SINGLE DIAPER left in the store. Sad... no 50% off diapers for me.

    I did get a great deal. I have been wanting an ERGO carrier for a while now. Emmaus is just so heavy! It is really hard to carry around a 20lb child that doesn't support her own weight very well. And this mama's back is sore. So I was so EXCITED to find the carrier. There was only one left and I scored it for 55 bucks! HECK YES! I love getting stuff on sale. I have been searching craigslist & ebay for this specific carrier and haven't found it for less than 70bucks used. So 55 bucks new!? YAY!

Emmaus is doing really well. Her seizures have calmed down again with the increase in her meds and she really didn't go through much of a drowsy phase from the med increase. We are really working with her on reaching for things and trying to get interested in toys. Its funny what we have to teach her. They are things that most kids just learn, but we have to teach Em. And while that is a long process, it is also very rewarding to watch her learn things- things that we are teaching her. Tonight I got to watch her laying with dan on the floor. They were both on their sides facing each other and just chattering together. She reached out and grabbed his face. Stroking her little chubb fingers through his goatee. It was the sweetest. And her reaching for him on her own is HUGE!
She also has started migrating...I will set her on her play mat and then when I come back to her she will be laying perpendicular from where I laid her.  Progress.
I am so proud of that little girl.

So I promise I will blog more...as soon as I finish my book. Thank goodness there are only 3 books in the series.

Love, La

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

The battle has been won.

We can make it through the rough stuff...but only because we know the battle has already been won. Sin has been defeated, sickness has been healed, TSC will no longer plague our baby girl. I can't wait for the day that my child is "whole" that she can reach for a toy she wants to play with, that she doesn't get dazed after having a seizures...Hell, for the days she doesn't have seizures. And I am so thankful to know that if not on this earth, heaven holds those promises for us. Promises of wholeness & health.

I am discouraged tonight. Sad for me, sad for Dan, sad for Emmaus. But I refuse to feel defeated. Because  I know Jesus is in control of this.

The battle has been won. So I will hold onto that tonight.

Love, La