Sunday, June 30, 2013

Second Birthday Party for Miss Emmaus

This weekend we took advantage of the cool day and threw a birthday party for miss Emmaus in the front yard. 

It was extremely scaled down from last year- which involved a month of planning a big water slide and about 100 people. This year- just a few friends and family. 
(preggo mama is too preggo to plan a big party!)
We had a long family table, lots of food, and rumor has it there was even some strawberry short cake. 

There were lots of little people to keep track of.

 Lots of girl talk was exchanged.

The shade and cool breeze even allowed for some snuggles with grammy.
It really was a low key afternoon.

Two candles were blown out- and sweet wishes made
(at least by mommy and daddy)

And wow- this girl understood presents this year!
She was so excited to have some of her favorite people gathered around looking at her.  She cheered for everything she received.
 And got a little help from her friend clara when she started to lose interest in the unwrapping part.

After the party I found her like this....
Yeah baby- all that partying made mama tired too. 
I really can't believe she is two- times goes too fast!
Happy birthday baby love.


Thursday, June 27, 2013


Some may call me bipolar. Or hot and cold. Or wait- maybe it is just that I am pregnant.
I am stressed one minute- the next I don't really care about all the details.
Yesterday I was so excited about a school opportunity for Emmaus- and today I was completely discouraged by it.

We have been hoping to get Em into a specialized school in a part time slot for the fall. We heard yesterday that it is a real possibility.

The expense of the school is high. However- I have gone back to work at Children's Mercy so it is possible for us to come up with the money.  We truly are excited about the school and think it is the best option for Emmaus. We have no doubt it will continue to cause her development to soar- and hopefully help her catch up even.

But today something kinda minor set me off. The cost for the school is 80$ more than I was expecting/month.
And I suddenly was super overwhelmed with the reality of having a special needs kiddo.
I feel that generally I take TS in stride. That I roll with the punches- and while I get overwhelmed I have adjusted to this being our reality.

But today I was just grumpy- angry even. I want to be able to save the extra money I am making- or plan a vacation, or even just not have our budget be so tight- however now we are looking at spending it on Emmaus' school.


I have no doubt by the way things have fallen together that this school is a good idea for her. And if we get the slot we are wanting it honestly has been a total God- thing.
But today instead of counting my blessings I may have thrown a tantrum like a toddler screaming and yelling (or just crying while driving home) that THIS ISN'T FAIR!!!! I HAVE TS! I HATE THAT THIS IS PART OF MY LIFE AND PART OF THE DECISIONS WE HAVE TO MAKE!!!!!!

So instead of continuing my fit let me say this.

-God helped me choose to become a nurse- allowing me to not only have a career I love- but to be able to earn extra money for these expenses
-God has given Dan a reliable job- with good health benefits to take care of our extra health care expenses.
-God has blessed us tremendously with a sweet sassy little girl- that despite TS has come so far.
-God has listen to our desire for her schooling and provided exactly what we have asked & wished for so far.
-God has always been faithful to us. He has provided for us OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
And I know he will do it again.

Also- my feet are so swollen! Its crazy. Ummm God- wanna take care of that too? Its not attractive & annoying & makes my legs feel tired.
Sorry for the Waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!! post. Just being honest.


Wednesday, June 26, 2013


June 26. 
I remember the exact details of this day a few years ago, like they just happened.
A day where many,  many prayers passed my lips. Prayers of strength,  prayers of rescue, of health,  prayers begging, pleading against a disease we knew so little about.
June 26 is a day I remember as being one of the most intimate time I have ever had with Jesus. A day of letting go of any control I might have had over and over and over again to welcome a baby into the world.
It is a day that started me on the journey of motherhood- a journey of dying to myself, of learning the meaning of unconditional love.  Of learning that despite a disease, or diagnosis I will never be given more than I can handle.  It is a day that started me on a road to Joy. A road that at times is painful, but the fruit & joy that abound from traveling it daily are worth any stumble along the way.

Sweet baby girl- how my life has changed since 6/26/2011. You have taught your mommy about faith, about joy, about accepting help. You have filled my heart with overflowing love. You are a ray of sunshine- that I am so blessed to call mine. I can't imagine what I did before you. You made your father and I parents- and taught us about what life is all about.  I am so lucky that God chose me to be your mommy.
You have grown too fast little one.  I can hardly believe that two years ago you were a fresh teeny baby. And today you are full of sass, you throw your head back and giggle like a little girl and you have tan lines from our summer days at the pool.

----Emmaus at two years old-----
Consistently says 10-15 words
Signs Multiple words
Is cruising around all the furniture and becoming braver with her steps daily
Likes to eat almost anything (except green beans)
Waves at everyone.
Gives the sweetest kisses (and sometimes forgets and bites instead-OUCH)
Sleeps moderately well (9pm-6am)- bedtime is rough, but is only waking up once at night generally.
Takes an hour nap on most days.
Eat finger foods (we are starting to work on a spoon)
Has an impressive pouty lip

Emmaus Loves
babies, books, bath time, her daddy, her friend clara, eating, climbing on the couch, and i phones.
Emmaus Dislikes
diaper changes, mira getting excited, bed time, being told "no no", nap time, and walks in the stroller.

Thank you Lord for blessing me with this little one.
Happy second birthday baby girl.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Some jumbled thoughts on beauty and a woman's body

When a women believes she is 

authentically beautiful- she frees herself 

from the overwhelming prison of self 

doubt and feeling unworthy and instantly 

becomes a role model of self-love for our 

young girls and boys. (unknown)

Tonight I found this project a photographer is doing about women- particularly their postpartum bodies.  Since I have started working at New Birth Company I have become an advocate of healthy women, of healthy pregnancies, and healthy birth.  I believe in taking charge of your health, taking charge of your body and your pregnancy.
Now let me confess. I BELIEVE IN THIS STUFF- but man it is hard to do. This pregnancy I have been way less active than I should have been. I have gained more weight that I had hoped to. And I have focused more on the mom's I care for at NBC, and my (almost) two year old who has needed me a lot in the last 9 months (I found out I was pregnant 3 days after she had brain surgery) - and taking care of myself has somewhat fallen by the wayside.
I am blessed to work with my midwives- they tell me every time I see them to "drink more water" because my lips are dry, or they remind me to eat, to get more sleep, to not believe I am invincible, and to remember to accept help.
So while I believe in healthy pregnancies, in taking care of yourself- in not gaining excess weight during pregnancy- IN BEING HEALTHY- it can be hard to do.

And then we have these precious children. And we look at our new MOMMY bodies- and we die a little inside. We have stretch marks, we have loose skin, and our already "non perfect" bodies suddenly seem even more flawed. And instead of celebrating these sweet babes we now have, we are discouraged because of how we look. Hell- I am already discouraged that I have several new stretch marks- and I am still pregnant- add the loose-post baby belly and I will be a hot mess.

But why? 

The typical standard of beauty is unrealistic.  The standard I hold myself to is unrealistic.

Grace. I need to give myself grace. I need to look at the precious children I have and take a moment to be amazed at what my body is capable of.
I want my daughter to see me being comfortable in my body- because I don't want my self loathing  to teach her to hate her body.

So give yourself a little grace.

I feel like I have to add a disclaimer here. Be healthy. Take care of your body- you only get one. Exercise. Eat as well as you can. EVERYTHING IN MODERATION.
But if you are doing these things- and you still don't have Jennifer Aniston's body- give yourself a break.
Look at your little's and know that they are worth it.  You are fearfully and wonderfully made.


Monday, June 24, 2013

Nesting much?!

There is something about the milestone of 35 weeks that makes me think OMG I'm having a baby! And SOON! The nesting kicked in full force this weekend. (Along with 3 shifts of work from fri-monday) So it was a full weekend. I dreamed of projects to do while at work- and fit some of them in while off!
So I may have panicked a little and decided EVERY household project I want to get done needed to get done NOW.
I Bought a bunch of plants
That my VERY VERY SWEET amazing husband planted without a complaint. Then mulched without a complaint- and then very patiently explained he wasn't taking his time with the yard work- after I complained about it taking too long. Yeah- I married up.

Then I freaked about getting Emmaus' big girl room ready before the baby comes- so I finished this. (Well it needs drawer pulls- and the grid lines to be erased)

Which I am SO happy about how it turned out.
It is pink- but for some reason looks white in this picture. I also am planning (at some point) to paint her headboard to match.

And Emmaus' birthday is this week and we are having a small party for her this weekend and I freaked a little about getting stuff for that ready. 

HOWEVER- today I am much calmer and realized that not ALL of this stuff has to get done THIS week.

This baby will be here soon- ready or not. And we really are prepared to take care of him/her- 
*Even if the nursery isn't ready.
*Even if Emmaus' big girl room isn't done. 
(knowing me both of these things will get done before baby)

In other news I think we have names! So that is on the completed side of our to-do list.

And I will leave you with this.  35 week belly pic (round 2). Please ignore the extremely dirty mirror. WHAT IS THAT?! It's not even at baby level!

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

pregnant at 34 weeks

I'm pregnant. Like REALLY pregnant. Yet I still have 6ish weeks to go.
Luckily the weeks are going by really fast.
Here are some observations I have

-I forgot when you are pregnant you don't "get a full nights sleep" its more like you get 3 naps broken up by trips to the bathroom.
- I am sure the actual distance to the bathroom isn't much longer in this house- but since every time I go I try not to wake up Emmaus it seems like the trip is miles longer. I have learned where the creaks in the floor are- and try not to waddle over them.
-With Emmaus I only got 2 teeny tiny stretch marks- I think I am adding a few- it kinda breaks my heart- and I wish I could stop it- but I can't. So I guess I will deal with it.  And probably cry about it at some point.
-I want ice cream every night. LIKE EVERY NIGHT. (see above observation-this could be the cause)
-I am WAY less prepared this time around. I think I need to search for "the bump" checklist I had the first time- cause surely I should be doing SOMETHING to prepare for this baby.
-My pelvis is so much better from my little fall- but still hurts a good amount. I would like it to be all better now....mmmkay?
-Last time (and now this time) at the end of my pregnancies- my husband decides to "get in shape" I don't know if he feels like I am gaining enough weight for the both of us, or if I'm gaining he should lose- I dunno- and while I am glad he is taking charge of his health- I can't participate in this (or not to the extent he is)! And I guarantee you in 10ish weeks when I am starting to get back in shape he will be over his newfound healthiness.
  Here are two pics from 34 weeks (this week)
We've had several pool days lately- makes the day go faster. And although Emmaus isn't the biggest fan of the water, it lets us hang out with friends and get out of the house for a couple hours so she doesn't go crazy- and thus in turn drive me crazy. (She likes to get out and about!)
 We went to the most beautiful wedding this weekend.  Only down fall was it was "picnic" style and so we all sat on blankets on the ground- not the best for the VERY pregnant or those with SEMI BROKEN pelvis' (no its not really broken- just feels a bit that way)
It was so pretty though- it was under a canopy of trees, and decorated so cutely, bunting strung from the trees and wildflowers hanging out in mason jars surrounded us, it was cool.
Anyway- this is me- ready for the wedding. Carrying a big baby belly with me.

That's all I've got. I'm pregnant. Lots of pregnant.


Monday, June 17, 2013


I've been thinking a lot about my grandpa. Probably because I am loving seeing Emmaus with my dad. She is pretty obsessed with him- and probably likes him more than anyone else right now. He travels for work and although my mom watches her once a week, sometimes he is gone and doesn't see her for a while. So he often just drops by to say hello to her (and me I'm sure). It usually gets her out of nap time- which is my theory of why she likes him so much- That and he gets on her level and crawls around with her.

Multiple times this weekend she said "Bam-pa" and when she was at my parents today she crawled around looking for him saying "weeerrr bam-pa". Then when she would see him she would make googly eyes at him like "hello, its me, I know you adore me and I adore you too" It really is too cute.

Anyhow- This got me thinking about my grandparents- things I remember as a kid. Specifically about my moms parents.
My grandpa had emphysema so he had a hospital bed in his room- which we all thought was THE COOLEST. I mean COME ON! It sat up!
He always had tums in a roll on his nightstand.
Sometimes he would have lemon drop candies that he kept in a check box there too- I would sneak them. (He would have shared)
My grandmas kitchen always smelled like bacon grease. It wasn't dirty- just smelled yummy.
My grandpa made this weird dish in the morning- it was yummy but SUPER unhealthy. But I wish I knew how to make it. I can't remember what he called it.
In the living room there were two couches- one never got sat on- and across from that couch there was a table that always held a national enquirer, a cross word puzzle and cherry flavored original chap-stick.
Next to that couch was a little wooden cabin house thingy- that was a table decoration. My cousin used to tell me that little people lived in the house and if I waited long enough I would see them- I never did, but I believed they existed.
My grandparents had this old plastic cookie jar. They always had the best cookies. I mean not homemade or anything- but the keebler elf cookies with m&ms in them, or the ones that tasted like thin mints, or the orange wafer cookie dipped in chocolate. We didn't have stuff like that at our house.
They also had caffeine free pepsi- it has a gold rim instead of silver. And it taste different too- not sure why, but I could still tell the difference- one taste like my childhood memories I guess.
My grandma would let us watch nickelodeon, and my brother and I thought it was the coolest- we would stay up way to late watching nick at night and their kid version of SNL.

Anyway- I know no one read that except probably my mom. But I love that I have those memories of my grandparents- I have many more about my other grandparents.
I love seeing Emmaus form those memories too. Makes my heart smile.


Thursday, June 13, 2013

Summer Lovin

Somedays I like to stay home all day. And on those day's Emmaus "tells" me all day long- that she is a budding social butterfly and she NEEDS to get out of the house. 
So today, we skipped my mundane homebody tendencies and headed to the pool with friends...
To live the rockstar life
 Some were unsure of the chilly water

Others thought the pool was their stage.
It really is all fun and games until someone gets water dumped on their head.

 One little caught some rays.
 One wore the biggest hat possible- stolen from her mama to avoid them.
 And the third did his manly duty by taking a solid nap.

After there was  ice cream and the LONGEST spoons ever 
(that little ones may have trouble maneuvering)
 You know the ice cream is good when you grow an ice cream beard.
 And when the sad face and lip come out
 upon discovering there is no more ice cream to be eaten.
 (She sure knows how to work that lip)

And then there is this little man. Who is so chubbs I can hardly handle it. I can count 4 rolls on that arm and one is above his knuckle! I mean come on! And those thighs that extend all the way down to his feet. (His big sister had legs like that and coined the term *thankles* skip the calf- goes from thigh to ankle) And that expression? He was giving me the silliest looks. 
I pretty much can't get enough of him

Good times, with good friends. And this preggo mama was pretty excited about the ice cream too.

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

A post where I complain- but at least post some cute pictures of my child.

I wish I could say I have been quiet because I have been resting- and I guess that is some of it. Putting our schedule down on a calendar on the fridge has helped so much. It has definitely allowed us to have defined rest and the lack of chaos over confused schedules.
Its been a hard week. I took a bit of a tumble on sunday and hurt my pelvis. Its made me feel very huge- and very pregnant, and very unable to move.
I'm a big grumpus about my clumsiness, but I am trying to reach DEEP within and pull out some sort of positivity about things. (And I'm failing- but trying is worth something right?!)
I just hurt. And have a lot of shifts to work before I have this baby- and I can't even really carry my kid (That kinda can't walk- okay she really can't walk) without feeling like my pelvis may split in half. TMI? Did I mention I am really hurting?
So since its would be better not to whine this whole post here are some cute pics of the kid.
 uhhhh when did she get so big?!
 We got to see Aunt Sarah the end of May. It was so good to be with her and She sure spoke Emmaus' love language by sharing her iphone. (I posted this pic because they are making the same face with their lips! which is so cute to me!)
 Even though the sun refuses to shine and the weather refuses to allow a temp above 75 I still am believing it is summer by eating strawberry short cake pretty much daily- okay not daily, but multiple times a week. Emmaus thinks it is quite a treat. 
 And then there are these, excuse the "see food" but those sleepy eyes and morning bed-head just melt my preggo mama heart. I am so in love with this little girl.

Pray I feel back to "normal" soon. I am really hurting- and really preggo. And have a busy few weeks ahead.