I looked at my work schedule for the first six weeks of the new year and instantly felt overwhelmed. Desperately searching for when I would "get a break". Truth be told I never have worked so many hours since becoming a mom. And while I know I am exactly where I am suppose to be, the demand of it all feels heavy. It seems impossible to be in charge of so much and to do it all well.
It is funny. I have always dreamed of having a family. A big one. I didn't always want to be a nurse, or have a love for sewing and crafting. But I always wanted to be a mom.
And yet the mom job is so much harder than I ever imagined. It seems crazy to me all the self sacrifice it takes to "have exactly what I wanted".
Of course I figured I would stay home, have endless funds to do fun things with my kids and take vacations with them- all my kids were of course healthy, and EXTREMELY well behaved and they were all excellent sleepers- and the sickness-you know, the endless runny nose, cough and fever that never leave small children- yeah that didn't exist in my mind.
(I am giggling writing this. But it's true! It's kinda what I dreamed this life would be like!)
Instead I am humbled daily- serving the tiny humans I created. Working hard outside our home, while trying to manage everything in it. Driving what I call "the bus route" to and from Emmaus' school each day. Working to try to understand what she needs and her frustration at a low level. Pleading with my two year old to stop crying, whining, and to try her food. Annoyed when my baby is still waking to eat multiple times a night. (Seriously we need to sleep train- but I am just too dang tired!)
I have to remember to stop and enjoy the stage we are in. Even in its hardness. To take a look around and be less overwhelmed for the housework that never ends, the sleep that never happens, and the snot that is ALWAYS on my clothing.
Motherhood. Who knew.