Sunday, March 27, 2016

Easter Sunday- When you are standing in "Saturday"

Have you seen this? 
It came up on my Instagram feed this weekend. It's the idea that we wait and mourn the resurrected Christ but Sunday is only a few short days away and we soon will celebrate the risen Lord. 

I have been in a little bit of a funk around Easter and today I think I finally realized why. 
I keep thinking about this "Sunday is coming" idea.  I am so thankful that we have the Hope of the Risen Lord. That my sin has been defeated and I am promised eternity because of his death and resurrection. 
But I keep coming back to "Saturday". 
What happens if even though it's Easter Sunday-I am stuck in a Saturday mindset. A place where brokenness is still very real- where sickness and death still sting. Where I am waiting and anticipating good things, but am still very aware we are in the midst of some tough stuff.  
Lately I have been hit hard with the reality of raising a child with significant special needs. And yesterday Shiloh asked for the first time why Emmaus doesn't talk. Dan explained why and she responded with "Maybe someday she will talk daddy?" 
These hard things feel very "Saturday" to me. 
I love that Shiloh's natural response was hope. And while I fully recognize the hope that Easter Sunday brings- my life is in a place of Saturday currently. 
A place of navigating the effects of having sweet Emmaus in our family. In learning how to navigate her disease with her sisters, the beginning of having to guide them through the delicate journey of understanding that comes with a sibling like Emmaus. 
I often think about eternity. Jesus coming back, or us joining him in heaven. And the health, healing and wholeness that will be. I think about Emmaus, her running and talking and never being sick. I think about the aches and pains that plague my body and my heart and how those won't exist when "Sunday" comes for the final time. 
I know I am not alone here. The reality of standing in Saturday- looking forward to the fact "Sunday" is coming- but knowing it may not come for a long time. 
I am thankful for the hope of Sunday. In the truth of the resurrected Lord. What I guess I am trying to say is this- if this Easter morning you are finding yourself in the depths of Saturday. In the midst of sickness or death and in the reality of this broken world, in a season of hard things. If you, like me are caught off guard by the sting of these things even on this Easter morning- you are not alone. 

Happy Easter dear friends! 

Thursday, March 10, 2016

Boogers, Poop, and Work Clothes.

Today I spent probably five minutes trying to scrape a booger off the pantry door. Why the heck was there a booger on the pantry door? As I chatted with my best friend about my lengthy booger scraping session she said she once tried to scrape a multitude of boogers off her daughters wall with a paint scraper, and it turns out if you spray salt water on them they reconstitute into wet boogers and wipe right off. That woman seriously knows everything. It's kinda magic. (You're welcome for that tip-courtesy of her of course)
Tonight as Shiloh was sitting on the potty screaming "I DON'T HAVE TO POOP!!" (Even though she  had been doing the poop dance for an hour) she unrolled the ENTIRE roll of toilet paper. THE WHOLE ROLL. Oh and of course she's sitting on the potty without a stitch of clothing on cause it is the rule of two year olds everywhere that it is impossible to use the bathroom while wearing clothes. She then proceeded to try to negotiate TWO suckers if she pooped. Defeated I agreed to whatever she wanted if for the LOVE of all that is good and holy she would just poop. She earned exactly zero suckers.
Whenever we go out I take our diaper bag which is my college backpack so that we can fit all the stuff we need for three tiny humans. Sounds like a good idea huh? Well how is it every single time we are out the baby poops out of her diaper? I'm serious- how is that possible? And every single time I do not have a single diaper for her. And I have no wipes. In fact it turns out the diaper bag actually only has a pair of socks, 18 month pants (which no one has fit in for over a year) and a 4T t-shirt. Oh and an orange that is now petrified into some sort of potpourri or something. And lots of crumbs. Oh and I found a pair of Shiloh's shoes that had been MIA for about a month. (I will give myself a little credit- I do have Emmaus' emergency seizure med in the backpack - which even if I never have wipes- I do ALWAYS have that)
Today I literally wiped spit up off my baby with a sock I found in my car that one of my other children had at some point taken off. Because I couldn't even find a napkin.
I truly used to be much more organized. But that was back when I only had one child. I am not organized by nature so it's just gone downhill with each baby.
This morning as we tried to give Emmaus her meds (she's currently on a med strike so it's SUPER fun to give her all her meds) Dan put her on his lap, and when he lifted her off when we were done he was covered in oatmeal that had been stuck to her bottom that we hadn't noticed. Which leads me to this reality- whenever I get dressed for work it is only a matter of minutes before someone comes and wipes snot on me or the baby spits up on me. I can stay in PJ's all day and that never happens- I put on work clothes- BAM. SNOT EVERYWHERE.  (Luckily it's just scrubs and I'm probably gonna go to work and get snot on me anyway- but seriously. every.single.time)

I often find myself just standing in my living room thinking "Is this really my life? What is going on right now?"
I don't even know why I'm writing about this right now. Although-If you have a kid, and definitely if you have more than one you can probably relate.
So my serious questions are.
1. Why is there so much snot in parenting?
2. Doesn't it get cold stripping down to your birthday suit every time you go potty?
3. Does anyone have an actually good diaper bag system? (And I mean someone who has multiple kids- non of which are self sufficient- and all wear different sizes ect)
4. I know you are judging a little for wiping my kid up with sock- yeah it's okay- I am too.

That's all. It's almost the weekend people. Hang in there!


Sunday, March 6, 2016

From the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.

It has taken me decades to calm my words. You know those powerful little things that so easily come flowing out of our mouths? And still I often fail at filtering my thoughts before they flow from my lips. I am often unaware of my tone, and have to apologize for "being snippy" as Dan calls it.

You know that old adage "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree?"
Well I have an apple to my tree. Her name is Shiloh.

At two and a half years old that girl is beyond verbal. Her though processes surprise me every day and to say she is a sponge soaking in every detail, every word, every situation is probably an understatement.
We have been working a lot with Shiloh on using her words wisely. I am still not sure when I give her my big speech of "how we speak to others" if she really gets it. But I am going to keep giving it anyway.
At two years old it baffles me that she can spew such fire out of that sweet little mouth.  And then turn around and say such sweet encouraging things a few minutes later.
It reminds me of the true power that lies in our words. And as I strive as her mama to shape her heart it forces me to check on the state of my own heart..
Good comes from a good man because of the riches he has in his heart. Sin comes from a sinful man because of the sin he has in his heart. The mouth speaks of what the heart is full of. Luke 6:45)
To check what is coming out of my mouth.
Am I filling my heart with truth and life? Or am I letting my sinful, selfish nature rule?
Our words can bring life or death. And it is up to us to make sure our hearts are full of things that even in our weak moments would speak life.

To shape, and mold and encourage our Shiloh will not be an easy task. She is emotional and passionate, she knows what she wants, her likes and dislikes and she is firm in those opinions.
She can be so loving, so kind and tender.
She has the unique ability to sway the mood of a room with her mood, with her actions.
To engage those who typically sit on the sidelines.

I have a feeling she will be the most anchored piece in our "cord of three". So to teach her where her strength comes from, that her true anchor is the Lord, it will not be easy. And in parenting her, teaching her- and realizing in parenting we must first check on ourselves. It's sure a humbling experience!

 She will do great things. She will march to her own beat, and lead those around her. We just have to tame the wild, unbridled tongue. (Although I'm sure it is a journey that will take decades)