Friday, October 31, 2014

Remembering the progress.

I am learning. Slowly learning to turn the brokenness of my life into beauty. To be less overwhelmed by the "what should have been" and more embracing of the "what is".
Today I remember where we were one short year ago. I was lost in the world of "newborns" all while navigating a non-verbal, barely walking 2 year old. I remember feeling fully confident and yet completely uncomfortable in my roll of mom to two.
I remember last year wearing shiloh, watching Emmaus parade around her school- holding the hand of her teacher to allow her to walk such a distance.
Today I watched her navigate sensory toys, say hello to many, laugh, enjoy her peers all without a meltdown, or a protest. THAT IS PROGRESS.
Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by how slow her progress is. How slow it seems. But truly- I need to remember the victories. See the progress.
I tend to label things. And recently I have found myself labeling Emmaus as "hard".
But truth is all children are "hard" parenting is hard.
And so in working on changing the way I view things I want to set it straight. Emmaus is beautiful. She is a miracle. She is complex, funny, and sweet. She melts my heart and ruins me in the best way. Her inability to communicate clearly is hard to me because I am so relational. However- the immense progress encourages me. All of this makes me so very proud of her.
And my little tiny baby that so quietly watched the parade last year?
Shiloh is such a funny little girl. And she is so much girl. She has taken to sleeping with not only her favorite bunny, but a Katerina kitty cat doll, and often a random toy. She loves to dance, she communicates her needs well. She has amazing recall, and talks...a lot.
Our life is busy, it is challenging and broken.
But it is so beautiful.
And today I stand remembering the beauty that surrounds us. The faithfulness and the goodness of the Lord to provide growth, progress.


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Wednesday, October 8, 2014

More than Enough

About 6 months ago I realized I needed to stop being such a "Do-er" a "make it happen" kind of person. If we needed money, I just worked extra- and truly did this to the detriment of my family. If we had a need I thought, "Well I have a flexible job, I can just work more and make it happen".  And finally I realized I need to stop taking things into my own hands so much. I need to work hard, and yes provide where I can, but stop trying to force things.  And so as a result of me backing off things have been a bit tight.
I was complaining to my mom and she said, "Laurisa do you not have enough? Is there a bill you can't pay, or something you need you can't get?"
It made me realize that we have enough. Always enough. But rarely extra. And this, when things already seem so stressful feels uncomfortable. It would be nice in the midst of a hectic, hard, and overwhelming life to have some wiggle room.
We work hard, We are wise with our money. We save where we can, because emergencies always happen, cars break down, plumbing issues happen, you get mice (I MEAN SERIOUSLY? I THOUGHT WE SHOULD MOVE- LET THE MICE HAVE THE GARAGE, THE WHOLE HOUSE IF THEY WANT?!)

We as a family have some specific needs, and I have some specific desires.  And I have been praying for these things to be provided. After a bit of nothing happening I had this epiphany that while the Israelites were in the desert God provided ENOUGH for them. Not more than enough, not an overflowing amount but enough for each day. However- he did not make them wander in the desert forever- it was a temporary thing.
I started thinking about this after someone randomly send us $200 in the mail. I mean that was a GREAT mail day! And I was starting to feel like maybe it was our over abundance? A bit of wiggle? And then when I was reconciling our budget I realized that $200 perfectly paid for the tire that went flat and had to be replaced on my van.  I was thankful once again for the ENOUGH.

I was telling a friend this story and she said she feels differently, that she believes our story is not one of wandering in the desert, but a story similar to when God turned 5 fish and 2 loaves of bread into an entire meal for a huge crowd as well as extra baskets of food left over.

And then our fish began to multiply.

Dan applied for and received a grant from his work. This grant will give us some wiggle room as well as provide for the money to start the Ketogenic Diet (A diet used for seizure control) for our family.

We went to IKEA ready to buy a new couch with money earmarked for furniture that I had been saving, and the couch we wanted was discontinued in the color we had decided on. On the way home (without a couch) I started thinking about how I TRULY wanted the pottery barn couch- (It is about $1500 more than our budget) And so I asked the Lord for a pottery barn couch. That very day one moved into our living room in AMAZING condition thanks to craigslist.

After many many sleepless nights a friend sent a $25 Starbucks gift card in the mail.

And today may be the craziest. As some of you probably know I wear Emmaus a lot. And that girl and her long legs have outgrown our ERGO carrier. Being able to wear her allows us to go do things as a family. When she gets out of her comfort zone she often freaks out a bit,  and just the sensory input of being close to Dan or I by being worn helps her calm down and enjoy herself.

So today my bestie tagged me in a contest to win one. And as I went to like the picture and enter the contest I thought, "I will never win this thing! God just needs to provide one if we are gonna get one" And I'm not kidding you 20 minutes later a girl I went to nursing school with messaged me and said she saw the picture and wants to get me the one that would be best for us. This is not someone I know well,  she and I were not best friends in nursing school, she just has been the recipient of peoples generosity and wanted to pay that forward.  I am in awe.

So I figured I would just put out one of the other things I am hoping for/ desiring. Not to be greedy. Or ungrateful for what we have been given, but because I believe God is capable of delivering this.

1. Emmaus went to the most amazing preschool last year. It was a developmental preschool that was all day. 8-430 TUES/THURS.  She grew so much being there. This year we have be given the opportunity to send her to Shawnee Mission's Preschool. It also is for developmentally delayed kids.  I am thankful for the FREE education. But I think she is regressing. I think the school she is in now is less intentional with her, and they see so many kids that it isn't the best for her. I have been praying for a way for her to go back to her other school. However- it comes with a hefty price tag. And me working 4-6 shifts extra a month to make it happen isn't reasonable. It isn't good for my family. So I will just continue asking.

We also have had people live with us most of the time we have been in our house. It provides us a way to give back and just a way to tangibly meet a need for those around us. And we have been looking into finishing our basement (it has its own enterance) so better be able to do this. So that is another prayer.

Anyway- just wanted to share the way the Lord has been abundantly providing for us. Cause I for one am amazed.







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