Sunday, March 31, 2013

Third day morning, first breaths of Christ

Spring seems to finally have arrived- after our late march snow storm I am hoping for few april showers and just Lots of nice days.
Thursday was particularly nice- and I got a chance to go for a walk- alone. Yeah- that pretty much never happens.
I was listing to my standard "birthing play list" which kinda needs a new name- It was a bunch of worship music I had to listen to when I was in labor with Emmaus- many songs have been added and deleted in the two years of it's existence but its overall some of my favorites.

I was just struck on this walk at the goodness of the Lord. I was recounting our journey over the last few years.  Thinking of the babe growing in my belly. And the hope and redemption of having a healthy child. The hope of a new life after a miscarriage.  Considering my sister in law who also miscarried who found out this week they are having a healthy little boy this summer. The joy of us having babies so close together.
Considering the growth of my daughter. The fun stage she is in. The growth we see in her every day.
Yesterday Dan got out to pump gas and I told Emmaus"Your dada is out pumping gas for us".  And in her baby babble she said both dada and gas, clearly.  The way she hugs and kisses her baby doll, her (although at times challenging) newfound opinions. These changes swell my heart. They make me overwhelmed with the goodness of the Lord.

Our Easter service focused on peoples stories of "I was as good as dead" and then how they were redeemed. Well in the last few years I have felt as good as dead multiple times.

-Learning at 34 weeks pregnant of a disease called Tuberous Sclerosis
-Seeing my Child seize for the first time, hoping I had seen wrong, but knowing in my heart it had started.
-Discouragement of a flat head, and Emmaus needing glasses *both I can say were redeemed with cute pink accessories*
-Realizing Emmaus' chewing & swallowing problems
-The overwhelming times that come with all my very special daughter requires- along with just being a parent for the first time.
-A miscarriage
- A Brain surgery that felt like a gamble, and the decision that Brain surgery was indeed "right" for our baby.

But in all of these things we have never been dead, or alone. So today on Easter sunday when I reflect the sacrifice that Jesus made for me, to redeem my life. To give me LIFE. And the emptiness of the tomb early that sunday morning. That the man called Christ was Alive. Had conquered death for you and I. I can't help but truly know the goodness of the Lord.
To reflect over the last 2 years and fight back tears knowing that my life has truly been redeemed. That in every situation- the Lord offers me redemption. That his goodness will & does conquer the hardship of this earthly life.

Gungor has a song called "This is not the End"
Which I feel like is a motto I need to hear in my life.
"This. Is. Not. The. End. Come Alive! Like third day morning- FIRST breaths of Christ."

I can only imagine being physically dead and taking my first breaths of air.
But I can say speaking in a spiritual meaning- I have felt defeated, I have felt trampled, worn out, "as good as dead"
And those first breaths when I remember to let Christ rein in my life- they are glorious. They are redeeming.
They are good.
Praying for "third day morning, first breaths of Christ" for you and for me today.


Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Snow, Haircut & baby belly

Oh my its been a long day around here.  However- Dan is home now, and a new chapter has started. One where I get to write a blog and we get to start the "evening"(the evening usually involves ice cream so thats a plus too) . Sometimes I find even starting a different phase of the day makes new again.
This weekend was full of fun things.  
(And when I say fun- I do NOT mean the late march snow storm we got- however)
Lets give this man props. Getting out in the freezing cold to "scrape" the front door... 
All so his baby could enjoy watching the snow fall. 
 (He's kinda amazing if you ask me)

Emmaus go her hair cut! I consider it her first official hair cut- although I cut it once with nail scissors when she was like 7 months old. And had a mini rat tail happening. 
And then there was this one time when her neurosurgeon shaved a bunch off for a minor procedure. UMMMM....
Anyway. She got her FIRST hair cut. 
 (Thankfully a friend finally told me she had a bit of a mullet- I mean that seriously! Its just so hard to see those things in your own child!) 
She sat in a chair like a big girl. 
 I bribed her with some veggies sticks to be still. 
 And the "shop pup" millie provided lots of giggles and pretty much did the entertaining.

Of course I don't have a finished product picture...but oh well. It's cute and just basically shorter in the back- bye bye baby mullet. 

Oh yeah- I am pregnant. But you probably knew that. 
22 weeks this week. And looking it. 

Today is Purple Day- I had people tag me in pics of them wearing their purple to support those with epilepsy and encourage epilepsy awareness. 
Check back tomorrow for the pics!


Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Birth photography

A few posts ago I shared pictures I took of my bestie's labor/ birth. And while I am sure a lot of people when they hear "Birth photographer"  think of a baby's head coming out of some woman's virginia being captured via photography. And lets be honest- thats not an image, or memory many of us want to remember.  However, when I say birth photography- clearly you know that isn't what I mean.

So if you read back a ways more you will remember Allison who guest posted back in September.  She is a real photographer (unlike me who is a fake photographer and got lucky with my friends birth to get some half way decent photos)

Point is- she is going to photograph my birth. And while she is new to birth photography, she is not new to photography & if you are having a baby and want it documented you should consider using her to photograph yours! Her style captures life as it is happening, the sweet moments. And having had three little babes of her own she is familiar with the sweet moments that come with having a new baby.

You can find her on facebook HERE
or see her whole photography website HERE

At work I always tell moms who have just delivered to remember their new baby's face. Cause it looks so different in 24 hours. I never will forget meeting my sweet girl and thinking "so this is what you look like" and then realizing in 24 hours that she looked so different already. But that sweet face, that first image is forever in my memory. I am excited to know with #2 it will also be captured in a professional photograph.

Also- just cause I can't help but share this sweet picture. 

This kid. Her unbridled Joy. How do I learn to have this in my daily life? 


Monday, March 18, 2013

CPA & KU cheerleader

It has been too long.  Things have been busy around here. Not the bad kind of busy- just working, painting & moving around bedrooms,  playing, chasing & teaching the girl- oh my how our little girl has changed lately. 

She is now a CPA by day.... 

KU cheerleader by night. 
(And there has been a lot of cheering KU on this week)

Okay but really she is learning to communicate. To tell us she wants to eat, drink, to understand no, or "please stop whining" a phrase I say about 100 times a day. 
She is learning to play, pretend, to hide & seek.

Learning to sleep in a big girl bed. 

We got to celebrate a friends birthday this weekend.
Full of love, life & a bit of sass. 

Apparently CPA's get upset when the ice cream and cake run out...
(upset may be an understatement)

Life is good. 

It's a.....BABY

Written: 3/8/13
Today was our "20" week ultrasound. I am not quite 20 weeks, but close. We had to do a level two ultrasound to be a little more specific- since we are looking for specific characteristics that would suggest this baby has TS.
It was at the same hospital I went to when we found out Emmaus would have TS. However- the hospital has recently undergone a huge make over- so I figured it wouldn't be the same area.
As we were lead back to the ultrasound room- I realized I had been wrong and it was in the same location. I knew I was a little nervous for the ultrasound, but  as we headed back to the same rooms dread seriously flooded over me. And all those emotions of fear, confusion, and hopelessness ran over me. I was crying before I laid on the ultrasound table. Honestly, my emotions surprised me- and Dan.  It wasn't until half way through before I relaxed a little and the nervous shakes started to go away.
TS has so much become our reality- and the odds of this baby having it are low- but man I had forgotten about those first emotions of finding out that Emmaus had TS- they got me.

However, everything looks great- this does not mean we are 100% clear of TS in this pregnancy- we will check for signs at 30 weeks as well since some of the signs don't show up until later- however, I am breathing a little easier today.

We did not find out the sex- although I thought Dan might loose his mind over this. It was really hard for him to walk away not knowing, and a teeny part of me was hoping he would cave and want to find out, cause I too am excited to know! BUT- I am excited to find out on our baby's birthday too!


Tuesday, March 5, 2013

A labor of love

 I love my job because every day I get to help women through one of the greatest journeys I have ever been on. Natural Child birth is not an easy task- it is not sensible to many in today's world of epidurals, painless birth, and scheduled birthdays. 

However, it is hands down the most incredible, spiritual journey I have ever personally been on. The communion that occurs between you and the Lord are sweet moments that are worth every second of pain. 
The feeling of incredible accomplishment, the awe of what your body is naturally capable of. The incredible truth of how strong women really are- Its amazing. 
Labor is work. It is hard. But it only lasts for a season. 

Then the joy floods in.

 It overwhelms

 The instant love- instant connection.

An exit from one existence, an entrance into another.

A family growing larger- a baby so desired, so cherished.

 A boy to round things out.

 A son for this proud father

 A family of three becomes four.

The sheer joy of a big sister realizing this is HER baby brother. 

A friend for life. 
The two births that have been my favorite are those of my dearest friend.  First with her sweet girl clara. And yesterday before the sun was up I had the blessing walk with Emily on her journey to meet her son. This woman is strong, she is powerful, and she is an incredible mama.
Welcome Elias James. You are so very loved. 


Sunday, March 3, 2013

A few pictures for today.

So I got this new camera. And I have zero knowledge on how to use it- okay fine I can turn it one, and take a picture. I was trying to shoot in manual mode- however I have decided I don't have enough skills to do that yet. 
But- I love taking pictures of my sweet girl. It is fun to capture her faces, and silliness. She is a silly girl. 

Sometimes when you are playing in the kitchen before bed it is hard to understand it's not time to eat- I mean we do eat in the kitchen- so the confusion is understandable. My girl likes to eat- and she cries when we say no- and continues to sign "eat" (which kinda looks liker her eating her fist.)

A little "if your happy and you know it" cures all the hunger

(And mommy letting you play in the dishwasher) And yes daddy was not liking this one bit. He is the strict one. 

Although stricter than me- He delights in this child. He is the "song creator" in our home. Songs for bath time, bedtimes, PJ's,  med time. 
And this little one loves her daddy. 

This girl. She melts me. 

 And here is a belly pic- 19 weeks tomorrow.