Sunday, June 7, 2015

A few thoughts about vulnerability and needing help.

We had some friends over this evening and were talking about vulnerability. Being vulnerable, needing help is often seen as weakness. How many of us are guilty of running to the grocery store when we need an egg, a tsp of vanilla or some other ingredient mid-batch of cookies instead of asking a neighbor for help.
Dan and I were both raised to be fiercely independent. We learned early to take care of ourselves- (Not that we didn't have parents also taking care of us, we did, but we also had parents who valued raising independent children). To work hard, and honestly, it is very humbling to need and ask for help.
I remember when Emmaus was pretty little feeling super overwhelmed. How could I manage to work, care for her and meet her medical, developmental needs, and manage all of the doctors, insurance info, ect. A friend who is the mom of 8 came along side me and told me mothering even one is hard (THIS IS A WOMAN WHO HAS 8 KIDS!!) and that its okay to need help. I remember feeling so relieved that it was okay to need help. So my long journey to break my pride started and the first little bit fell away.
I don't see it as weakness when other people need help. In fact I love to help people. I am a fixer, a do-er. Yet, in myself, for our family I struggle with it.  I kinda laugh now thinking about that time. And have all sorts of grace for myself! Of course I was overwhelmed! I had a new baby with a medical complexity who was ALWAYS seizing. She rarely slept between eating at night and seizing. I had never been a mom before, which is a hard transition anyway, and we were pretty financially stressed. In that time we had to buy a new car and we moved. UMMMMMMM sounds like a lot to me!

So much has changed since I wrote my last blog. Honestly- it has been a head spinning few days.
So here is what's happening. We found out that the school Emmaus went to from age 2-3 has an opening. (She still goes to therapies there once a week) We didn't love the public preschool she attended last year- although it was free, so that was a perk! However, they do not use ABA therapy so we would have to do both public preschool and the in-home ABA for next year. Which, is just a lot for a 4 year old!
So we are planning to send her back to her the first developmental preschool she attended 3 days a week in which she will receive ABA, PT, OT & Speech all integrated into her preschool day.


We still are having to make some major changes. I will start working more hours so we can pick up insurance through my work. This is okay. It's not ideal while adding baby #3 and adjusting to that, however, it will provide us with a sustainable way to provide for Emmaus' therapy needs.  My bosses at work are basically amazing and are working with me to make this happen before baby.

So instead of looking at a 12,000-15,000 cost for ABA therapy through October. We are now looking at about that for a year! It still is a lot of money, but much less than we originally were looking at.

Some friends of ours have set up a Go-fund-Me account to help us off set these costs.  Again- we are learning to chip away at our pride and be grateful for the help.  And be grateful for the opportunity to learn to ask for help, and accept it.

Sometimes I look at where we are in life. How different parenthood is than I imagined. The challenges, sorrow, loss and joy I have learned in being Emmaus' mom.  It is all so different from what I imagined. So much harder- but better.  I am better because of her.  Being Emmaus' mom has made me very weak,  it has taken a lot of help, (And she's not even 4!) but the community we have gained along the way, the humility we have learned in accepting help, and the joy we now have to be able to give to others when we can is pretty cool.

Here is the link to the go fund me site. Don't feel like you have to give. We feel very supported either way and know the money will work out. It always has before and we have faith that this time will be no different. Thank you in advance to those that can/want to give. We are very grateful.




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