Some may call me bipolar. Or hot and cold. Or wait- maybe it is just that I am pregnant.
I am stressed one minute- the next I don't really care about all the details.
Yesterday I was so excited about a school opportunity for Emmaus- and today I was completely discouraged by it.

We have been hoping to get Em into a specialized school in a part time slot for the fall. We heard yesterday that it is a real possibility.

The expense of the school is high. However- I have gone back to work at Children's Mercy so it is possible for us to come up with the money.  We truly are excited about the school and think it is the best option for Emmaus. We have no doubt it will continue to cause her development to soar- and hopefully help her catch up even.

But today something kinda minor set me off. The cost for the school is 80$ more than I was expecting/month.
And I suddenly was super overwhelmed with the reality of having a special needs kiddo.
I feel that generally I take TS in stride. That I roll with the punches- and while I get overwhelmed I have adjusted to this being our reality.

But today I was just grumpy- angry even. I want to be able to save the extra money I am making- or plan a vacation, or even just not have our budget be so tight- however now we are looking at spending it on Emmaus' school.


I have no doubt by the way things have fallen together that this school is a good idea for her. And if we get the slot we are wanting it honestly has been a total God- thing.
But today instead of counting my blessings I may have thrown a tantrum like a toddler screaming and yelling (or just crying while driving home) that THIS ISN'T FAIR!!!! I HAVE TS! I HATE THAT THIS IS PART OF MY LIFE AND PART OF THE DECISIONS WE HAVE TO MAKE!!!!!!

So instead of continuing my fit let me say this.

-God helped me choose to become a nurse- allowing me to not only have a career I love- but to be able to earn extra money for these expenses
-God has given Dan a reliable job- with good health benefits to take care of our extra health care expenses.
-God has blessed us tremendously with a sweet sassy little girl- that despite TS has come so far.
-God has listen to our desire for her schooling and provided exactly what we have asked & wished for so far.
-God has always been faithful to us. He has provided for us OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
And I know he will do it again.

Also- my feet are so swollen! Its crazy. Ummm God- wanna take care of that too? Its not attractive & annoying & makes my legs feel tired.
Sorry for the Waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!! post. Just being honest.



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