Bed time reflections.

I don't often put Emmaus to bed. It just happens that as our nightly rhythms line up I generally put the baby to bed and then spend some quality time just with Shiloh before it's her turn, and Dan takes care putting Emmaus to bed.
But a couple nights ago I was on triple duty and got to put Emmaus to bed. We have a very specific rhythm with her as sleeping in general isn't her strength and bedtime has always been rough. Currently we tuck her in and sit on the floor or her room till she falls asleep. As I sat on her floor in the dark with one hand resting gently on her head I began thinking about Emmaus' life, and how it has changed me.
I pondered the struggles we daily face, and the hope and beautiful life that comes with it. Sometimes I am still surprised by the fact I have a child with Tuberous Sclerosis. That at the "ripe old age" of 24 my body had a genetic hiccup while Emmaus was being formed- and TS was the result. It just seems crazy to me.
And while TS is something I wish we didn't have to deal with, the lessons it has taught, the community it has gathered, I wouldn't give that up.
I considered my girl, somewhat trapped in her own body. Limited by her lack of speech yet, so aware of what she wants and needs. I considered how she has changed my perspective. How she has taken my overly competitive nature and shut it down. How she has taught me to not judge others on what appears to be, because we truly never know what is going on in someone else's life, or their home. She has taught me to be compassionate to those around me, to lend a helping hand whenever possible. To give to others generously, because so many times we have been on the receiving end.
I sat and prayed for her. For hope to be her story. For her life to be abundantly happy! For words to form freely and be expressed freely. For her to read and write.
In the chaos of my current life stage it is rare to have a completely quiet focused time. It was a sweet time to sit and reflect and just pray for her.



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