May 18

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.  –Robert Frost

Okay- lets be honest- I got shoved down the road less traveled. 
I always used to tell my friend- "I don't want to live the American dream, I want my life to be different, do more than having a nice house, full of stuff, and still striving for MORE" (aka take the road less traveled). 

Ha. I had no idea what I was saying. I thought being a missionary- living in Africa sounded like me. Till I went there and realized that is not what my future held. I thought about the peace corps- I have always longed to help, to make a difference. To be a person in the world that helps make wrong things right. 

And then one day- exactly three years ago today- I got shoved down a road less traveled. A road I was not expecting- and that definitely was not part of my approved "Laurisa's life goals" list. 

In a dark ultrasound office, in a quiet, calm and confident voice I listened to a stranger explain my perfect baby had heart tumors, that the type she had were not cancer, but associated with a disease called Tuberous Sclerosis. She wrote it on a card for me so I could remember the name.  I remember almost having internal goose bumps.  Trying to be strong, not cry and make it home. I remember the overwhelming numbness as I told Dan "no everything isn't okay" (poor guy stayed at work at my request-cause I just knew I was being paranoid in the first place) I remember a warm meal, with the best of friends, and sitting on the porch eating frozen custard. All to avoid a google freak out fest. 

That day I stood on my new road looking down at the weed filled, bumpy gravel. Feeling very alone. Scared. Hopeless. And Sad. 

I hate TS. I look at my beautiful girl and wish more than anything that I could take this away from her. That I could change her genetic code. That she could play, and pretend with her best friend. That at almost 3 she could choose to wear a tutu, pretend or even tell me when she is scared, hurt, or confused. 

However- on this road we have learned about community. We have learned the power of prayer. Learned to ask for help when we need it, and be independent when we can. We have learned we have a capacity- that we cannot do everything. 

I would not have chosen this road. It is hard, frustrating and heartbreaking. But man it is sweet. To slow down, to see the beauty along the way- it truly has made all the difference.  

I have learned the beautiful faithfulness of the Lord. Over and Over again. So while today is a day of grieving for me- and sort of "before TS and after TS" marker. It is also a day to look back and remember the incredible faithfulness of the Lord.

So while I may not be a missionary in Africa, or never joined the peace corp. I do feel like I fight to make wrong things right daily. Even in my home with Emmaus. 

Who would have know my "road less traveled" would have been the Emmaus Road. - Guess God did. So thankful that he was on that road 2000 years ago- and he is on our road today.