How I got here.... I do not know.
That is 14 days later than Emmaus came.
(Bless that child)
I haven't had the best attitude.
-Like this one time when I cried for like an hour cause I couldn't find a shirt I wanted to wear-
(and maybe yelled at my toddler- humbling to ask your two year old to forgive you)
-Or this other time (from week 39-40) when I was so grumpy all week because I didn't have a baby-
-Or this one time I was literally angry at my poor unborn because of their presence in my uterus-
But I feel like I may have turned a corner.
You see- I am learning patience. Learning contentment.
I am learning I cannot control things, and the disappointment that I have when "my plan fails" is purely due to my unrealistic-or uncontrollable expectations I have set on myself. (or my unborn/uterus)
Funny thing- is this lack of control of the "uncontrollable" things in my life should be easy right?!
I mean- my toddler has a random genetic disease, has had brain surgery, countless seizures, ailments, ect ect.
And yet- I am STILL a control FREAK.
It seems the Lord is being faithful to me and helping me work through that. (again)
It is a little awesome to tell people at the store or wherever that I WAS due last week. They are all shocked and flustered and suddenly fear a baby's head popping out from between my legs.
They look at me like WHY would you go that late- won't they induce you?
I just wanted to say a little about that.
If you have read for long- or know me at all- you know I am very pro-natural birth. I seriously was blessed to have an incredible natural labor with Emmaus despite the concern for her health. It seriously was one of the most sacred times in my life. To have to die to myself, trust the Lord with every single contraction, and let my body do it's work- seriously changed me. It was the most holy communion I have ever had with Jesus. And I cannot wait to do that again.
This week will hold some interventions to get baby out if baby doesn't come soon. I thought about doing castor oil today but, decided it wasn't time yet for intervention, and I would rather wait a couple more days to see if labor sets in and enjoy my days with Emmaus.
My body is making change. I am 4cm dilated. Baby- just needs to be more fully engaged in my pelvis.
I am confident this baby will come. I trust the Lord to provide safety for me and this babe. And I am so excited to meet him or her!
Also a small shout out to my husband. He is seriously incredible. If you have met him you know this- but for the rest of you- He is an incredible husband like INCREDIBLE. He loves me so well. He is patient, he is extremely self-less and incredibly forgiving.
(And his incredible ability to be a completely engaged and present father makes his husbanding look poor- cause he is just that incredible of a dad)
I clearly married up.
In the last weeks he has been so patient and supportive. He has slept on the couch so I can hog the whole bed, been on daddy duty most moments he is home so I can have a break/nap/be extremely pregnant.
You are a good man babe. Thanks.