Battle Scars.
Happy Thanksgiving!
In our house we always have so much to be thankful for- but this year the blessing aren't hard to find or recall. The biggest one sits with me as I type this- woke me up at 4am and has developed a love for giving hugs and kisses & holding hands since her surgery. We are thankful for our army of a community that has fought hard for us and our little love. For food to eat, & people to eat it with. Thankful for so many things unspoken, held close to our hearts.
I have been thinking a lot about scars, I mean how could I not- we have a huge one we now see daily. About the scars in my life- my young heart broken, the feeling of rejection that came from silly girls, betrayal, the life-long lie that I am not good enough, not as smart, or always wrong. That I am a burden. The feeling of failure that comes with working full time & having a kid that needs more than I am often capable of giving.
Places in my life where I have been broken, and have stitched the wound back together again. Places that I have had to sit and think about, process through- sure I could have pushed them aside, (and sometimes I have) but the wound is just going to reopen (and some have). What does it mean to actually deal with our wounds/our scars? To open them wide up and clean them out- get rid of the thing that has become so toxic to our lives-incompatible with growth, or a joyfilled life.
To surround ourselves with life-giving people, purge out those who caused the wounds- or prevent them from healing.
It was an easy decision to choose to get rid of Emmaus' tuber- Something that was so toxic to her life, that limited her future. To surround her with the best surgeon & team of doctors. Sure it was hard, it was scary, we had no guarantee of results- but it also had the chance to create something beautiful. It was a process, and still is- and it is no promise that something will challenge her again, that she will have no future problems.
Growth and beauty come from the dark places, the wounds, the toxic things- but only if we take the time to process, purge & heal.
Too deep a thought for thanksgiving?! Just wanted a cute pic of the kid dressed as a turkey? Ehh sorry!
So I will leave you with a pic of Emmaus' scar- not a sad thing, but a badge of beauty in her life- of healing.
In our house we always have so much to be thankful for- but this year the blessing aren't hard to find or recall. The biggest one sits with me as I type this- woke me up at 4am and has developed a love for giving hugs and kisses & holding hands since her surgery. We are thankful for our army of a community that has fought hard for us and our little love. For food to eat, & people to eat it with. Thankful for so many things unspoken, held close to our hearts.
I have been thinking a lot about scars, I mean how could I not- we have a huge one we now see daily. About the scars in my life- my young heart broken, the feeling of rejection that came from silly girls, betrayal, the life-long lie that I am not good enough, not as smart, or always wrong. That I am a burden. The feeling of failure that comes with working full time & having a kid that needs more than I am often capable of giving.
Places in my life where I have been broken, and have stitched the wound back together again. Places that I have had to sit and think about, process through- sure I could have pushed them aside, (and sometimes I have) but the wound is just going to reopen (and some have). What does it mean to actually deal with our wounds/our scars? To open them wide up and clean them out- get rid of the thing that has become so toxic to our lives-incompatible with growth, or a joyfilled life.
To surround ourselves with life-giving people, purge out those who caused the wounds- or prevent them from healing.
It was an easy decision to choose to get rid of Emmaus' tuber- Something that was so toxic to her life, that limited her future. To surround her with the best surgeon & team of doctors. Sure it was hard, it was scary, we had no guarantee of results- but it also had the chance to create something beautiful. It was a process, and still is- and it is no promise that something will challenge her again, that she will have no future problems.
Growth and beauty come from the dark places, the wounds, the toxic things- but only if we take the time to process, purge & heal.
Too deep a thought for thanksgiving?! Just wanted a cute pic of the kid dressed as a turkey? Ehh sorry!
So I will leave you with a pic of Emmaus' scar- not a sad thing, but a badge of beauty in her life- of healing.
And since I know that is disturbing to some of you- here is a picture from this AM- scar hidden under her hair!
Beautiful! And very good thoughts to ponder. I know I have some scars that need to be dealt with. Thankfully I know I have the most skilled surgeon to clean me up and mend me together. Blessings to you And the family today!
ReplyDeleteHappy Thanksgiving! Love you all!
ReplyDeleteI'm sure in a few years time she'll be showing off that scar to her friends who will look in awe!! (personally, I've always liked scars, they're a sort of record of things that we go through).
ReplyDeleteHappy thanks giving!
I agree with Barbara - the other kids will find the scar awesome!! Scars are scary to many people but to us nurses it is so easy to look beyond the physical scar and see it as a badge of courage, a badge of change, a birthday present for the birth of a new life much better, a new life you and your husband so bravely chose for her. You have been in my prayers since her birth and you will continue to be in my prayers. When you cross my mind during the day I say for you "Give God thanks for his goodness and mercy endureth forever." My grandma used to say that and it is my "go to prayer." Were you ever able to find any extra t shirts from your walk/run race "Emmeous Road." I really would like to buy some and I promise everytime I wore it I would explain to others the story behind the shirt and you would gain more people praying for you and Emmaeous. Lynn
ReplyDelete