A thought on love & hope
I sometimes forget how much God loves me. How much he cares about me. About our family. About Emmaus. Tonight at church during worship I let "He loves us, oh, how he loves us" just soak into my soul.
Cause truth be told God loves me so much. He cares about me so much. He wants good things for me. He cares that Emmaus has TS. He hates that she has TS.
Cause that is not how he created this world to be. And I find that comforting.
I also realized that I am fearful of being hopeful that this surgery does amazing things for Emmaus. Dan and I discussed this on our ride home from church. He agreed he struggles to have high expectations because it hurts when they aren't met. And lately it seems they have been met very infrequently in our lives. But I want to hope. I want to believe. I want to have incredible hope that Emmaus will be seizure free after her surgery, that she will learn to walk, and talk and go to school. I know it will be hard if it doesn't go as planned, but you can't always prepare for the worst. Sometimes you have to have unbridled hope. Faith. To throw doubt, dread, despair and FEAR to the curb and just HOPE.
The end of this week and weekend were so redeeming. Emmaus was a joy. She was herself. She was so interactive, moving all over the place and just fun. I needed a few days of that.
I remembered the fun that being a parent is- they joy of it. I maybe had forgotten a little bit.