Mothers Day

My mornings have purpose. I wake up groggy and still tired, but the sweet sounds of your coo’s and occasional grunts pull me out of my fog, gently luring my feet onto the ground to reunite me with my purpose, you. You have started grunting a lot these days. But it has become a sweet sound to my ears. As I enter your room you quiet down, knowing your mama is near. I peak my head into your crib and you shyly continue to play with your fingers, or toes, or whatever has your interest at the moment. I’m sure you wait for my greeting. “Good morning Emmaus”. As soon as those words leave my lips you cast your gaze up and crack the biggest smile. A smile that you reserve for earliest of mornings when we reunite, after a night apart. I say reunite loosely because generally either your father or I have spent several hours throughout the night up with you. You are rarely fussy, just awake and while you being awake sometimes makes us a bit fussy. We try our hardest through our sleep deprivation to be kind and loving and even when we fail you are still happy to see us in the morning.

Mornings are a very sweet time of day for us. You are super snuggly and your hair always looks very bed-head-ish and cute. You have puffy eyes, and binki lines and and all your usual noises are softer, said in a deeper tone. I love whisking you from your crib and heading down to the couch so you can nurse and we can snuggle. I find your smell intoxicating especially in the mornings. The sweet scent of your Burt’s Bees lotion wafts up dancing around my nose with each movement you make. Some mornings I have to will myself to move off the couch, to move out of our sacred snuggling space. But I know to well that if I don’t get our day started we will both drift back to sleep and any semblance of a daily schedule that we have will be lost. We have meds to be given, play time to happen and task to be checked off a To-do list.

You have changed me dear one. You have made my heart mush. You have made me ache in ways I didn’t know were possible and have given me a new understanding of love. A love that will never end, never change, and always be true, a love that no amount of trial, sickness, or heartache could challenge.

You are loved little girl. You are wanted and cherished. You are a joy.

I am so thankful God had YOU make me a mommy.

Love, La