Perspective or lack there of.

I haven't written a lot lately. I really miss it. All this house buying and beautiful weather has had me distracted.

I have been in a funk lately. Super judgemental of other people. Feeling kinda sorry for myself actually. A lot of people we  know had babies around the same time as we had Emmaus.  It stings to get on facebook and see videos of every kid we know sitting, crawling, standing, walking. And for us to be so far from that place. (Although it is super exciting and I too would post a video!)

I used to have a healthy perspective and now I have an unhealthy one. (Literally- I have a perspective of a mom with a chronically ill kid- not  the perspective of a mom with a healthy kid.) And while we might be much more excited for milestones when they come because of the hours and hours of work we have spent on them. We also feel the sting of seeing those things pass.

While I have no perspective on the common cold, ear infection or diaper rash being a big deal...that doesn't mean they aren't...or that they aren't rough for those going through them.
I think in the last month I have fallen into a place of self pity and self righteousness. Like somtimes I think to myself "Well who cares if your kid has diaper rash, rsv, or an ear kid has seizures, is developmentally delayed and who knows what her future looks like. Plus we still deal with those common things. BAM" yah- graceful huh?
I am embarassed to write this actually. (please don't feel like I am talking about you if your kid had any of those things recently its just a generalization)

I seriously bashed my friend for saying she and her hubby wanted a boy next pregnancy. That they would be kinda disapointed if it wasn't a boy. BECAUSE I HAVE NO PERSPECTIVE FOR THAT. I mean I REALLY wanted a girl. And I probably would have been disapointed for a second if Emmaus was a boy. But then TSC came into our lives. And I know gender will never matter again. Of course everyone wants healthy first. But it is a luxury (and the mark of having healthy kids and being able to get pregnant easily) to want a specific gender.  But me in my little hole of self pity judged her harshly out of my perspective and didn't consider her perspective at all.

I don't want to be like this. I don't want to judgemental or think my burden is bigger than yours. (Damn I hate TSC.) We all have burdens to bare. Now how do we learn to do it with grace and joy?

I think I have lost all perspective or any that is worth having.
This parenting thing is hard. It is hard to have a kid in general. It is hard to have a chronically ill child. We are all just doing the best we can and need to stop judging each other. (That goes for me too).

Now here is something you need very little perspective to appreciate

I just can't handle this kid in all her cuteness.

Happy first day of spring!


  1. Laurisa, I have been reading your posts often, and truly enjoy reading put all of you and who you are out there, and you aren't afraid to do it. I really admire that because you don't see the "real" in people very often. I do not know how you handle what God has given you concerning the health issues with your child, and I pray for you and your family often. I will say though that you have inspired me to be a better mother and wife by reading your blog...just wanted to say that :)

    Ginny Willhite

  2. Perspective is something that affects anyone going through a difficult time. When Brad was deployed, it was very very hard for me to have any compassion on friends whose husbands would be gone for a night, a weekend, a week, or even 2 at a time. I remember reading on facebook about how much one of my friends missed her husband, who had been gone about 3 days, and how much she couldn't wait for him to get home that weekend. At that point in time, Brad had been gone for 4 months, and we had 8 months left. He was not in a cushy hotel, able to text and call at leisure - he was in a war-torn area, and I prayed for his safety continuously. I judged her. And I felt no guilt about it at the time.
    It's not who I wanted to be, and unfortunately as much as I tried, I never let God change my perspective until AFTER he was back, AFTER we were together, and AFTER I knew he was safe. (Epic fail.)
    It's so amazing that you are able to see this so clearly, and know what needs done. Good luck allowing God to make your heart gracious during the midst of a struggle!
    :) - Jessica


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