The wilderness

I remember standing around Emmaus' hospital bed the night she started having seizures. Our pastor and his wife came up to process and pray with us. I remember telling them that I was just so sure that God would heal Emmaus that our story wouldn't be one of sickness, but of hope. A testimony of the incredible God we serve. And then he told me something very important. Something I never will forget. He reminded me that even though God is capable of healing her NOW...this very minute. He will do what is best for us. He reminded me that God lead his very own people through the wilderness before he showed them the promise land. He did this because he knew they would forget his goodness...forget what he did for them if he lead them straight to the promise land.

And now here comes my bold statement. I think I need the wilderness...because I forget too easily.

Over the last 10 months God has been faithful to us time and time again. He gave us time to process Emmaus would have TSC before she was born. He gave us a beautiful uncomplicated delivery. He made her heart work perfectly despite the multiple heart tumors. He gave us time to adjust to having an infant before she started having seizures. He provided great support and medical care. He has provided financially. He has provided AGAIN AND AGAIN.

So we decided to get this helmet. From the get go the lady told us that United Health Care has never covered the cost of it. They would of course submit the claim, but she had never seen them cover it before. But Dan and I decided it was the best choice for us, for her flat little noggin. And so even though the damn thing cost $1750 (not covered by insurance) it was fine WE would figure it out.
I didn't even ask God to take care of it.
But guess what?! He did. Today we got a letter saying they could cover the cost of the helmet. That is was part of our coverage. I read the letter probably 17 times just to make sure I didn't miss the gist of it or the word NOT or DENIED in the letter.
How is this possible? How is God this faithful to us?

I was so excited. Then I cried. Not tears of joy (although I was happy!)...but because I was so aware of my lack of faith and just total humanness. When will I ever learn that WE(dan and I) will not figure anything out...that we will not work out the details. But that God will. I didn't even think to ask him to cover the cost because I figured the lady told me it never happens so it was impossible.

Funny thing is- God is bigger than impossible.

So tonight I'm standing in the middle of the wilderness. Thanking God for his faithfulness yet again.  The wildness isn't such a bad place to be.
God is good. Emmaus may still have TSC, she still might have seizures, she may be developing at her own pace, but God is providing. He is teaching that little sweet girls mommy lots of good stuff. He is changing me.

I do believe the promise land is on the other side of this journey. But maybe God knew me well enough to know if he lead me straight there I would forget his faithfulness.



  1. i love you.
    i love being in the wilderness with you.
    such a great reminder of the God we love and serve, who provides and takes perfect care of us, who is so kind to us. So so kind.
    You make me love Jesus more. what a great kind of friend to have...probably Jesus' favorite kind of friend for us to have. :)


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