The D word.

So for about the last month I have been becoming increasingly overwhelmed with the state of my life. It even got to the point that I was feeling completely overwhelmed by every day tasks. Going to the grocery store...doing the laundry....cleaning the house (I mean who am I joking I do a poor job at this anyway).... taking a shower...changing a diaper... doing therapies with Emmaus...Comforting her during a seizure. You name it and I am guessing it could be added to the list of tasks that were too overwhelming for me. I was spending a lot of time grieving Emmaus' illness and was less able to be joyful about the sweet little girl that she is. So I decided it was probably time to chat with my midwife about getting on an anti-depressant. GASP. I am talking about the black shadow that follows so many around. DEPRESSION.
(I mean christians have Jesus and NEVER depression right?!?!- we can just pray through those hard times?!? right? ) (wrong) (although we do have Jesus...but also can have depression) (and I use ( ) <--------these things way too much I'm aware)

I am by nature an energizer bunny. I go go go and rest when I have a chance. And when it got to the point that I could hardly get out of bed I knew I needed to think about letting modern medicine  help me out. (This is saying a lot because I rarely take an Advil when I have a headache- DRINK MORE WATER I TELL YOU!)
However- I am happy to report that I am now the proud owner of a prescription for prozac. And boy is it helping. I just feel like myself again. Like I am able to not only take care of myself but my family and do kind things for others. I am able to be happy and sad and cope.  I had an epiphany that I had been in survival mode and this isn't something we are going to survive or have to cope with for just a period of time. This is our life. This is our new reality. And while we will keep believing God will heal Emmaus. We will still ask for a miracle. I HAVE to live in our reality now. And I have to live my life well. So here I am...Finding joy once again thanks to a lot of help from those around us and a little modern medicine.

So tonight we are finding victories in the little things. Dan was just holding Emmaus in his lap and she was holding on to her burp cloth and bringing it to her mouth to chew on. (Victory) Then she started reaching out to the arm of the couch and feeling it...PRESSING against it....PUSHING on it.(VICTORY) This is a huge deal since the kid isn't keen on using using her arms or legs to push on anything. This is a victory for us tonight. And while most babies just do these things and their parents may or may not notice...this is a task we have been working on for the last month. And we both just got giddy like a kid at christmas watching our beautiful baby girl explore her world.

Thank you Jesus for these victories. Thank you prozac for balancing the chemicals in my brain and making me functional once again.

Love,
La