Anger and perspective
Well I did it. I came back to work. Last Friday was my first night and it went well, much better than this mama thought it would. I am so blessed to have a job that I love. I do wish I could get away with only working 1 shift a week. When I am at work I have no doubt that my once professionally minded self has left, and my priorities now lie else where. But I am thankful that I have a job and that it is one that I like.
I have kinda been angry this week. So many wonderful things have happened and we have been provided for in so many ways in the last 11 weeks. But I think I finally got mad. It started when I came back to work Friday night and I started thinking about how fast my maternity leave went...and then I started thinking about how much it sucked that we had to deal with so much in 11 weeks. And how i should have gotten to spend my maternity leave snuggling my sweet child with my biggest worry being getting her to sleep through the night. My biggest stress should have been getting her 2 month shots- not counting endless seizures for the last two weeks. (P.S. we still haven't gotten her shots. I have been told that seizure activity tends to be out of control on the days you get them so I have been to chicken to do it- and yes I understand if she gets measles she will have more seizures from that than getting the shots- but i am just not prepared yet for that day- I know I need bite the bullet and get them done)
Then sunday i got some perspective. My sister in law was telling me about a family they know who lost there baby at 35 weeks gestation. How they didn't get to welcome their sweet babe into the world. I think of other people I know who have known such great loss and although it doesn't make me thankful for what we are going through. It does give me perspective. It makes me thankful for our sweet daughter who despite everything she is facing smiles and coos and takes it all in stride. She's a fighter that one. And there is evident joy inside that child. And for those things I am thankful. I still freaking hate TSC though.
So I give you this. The "many faces" of Emmaus. She is a funny kid. Mira even got in on the action.
Shes pretty much the cutest. Just sayin.