So...for a little comedic relief before I get into the deep stuff. We got home from church about 2.5 seconds ago and I have already poured my husband a double shot of whiskey that he has gulped down. Now please understand that he is pretty sick, not just out to have a WILD TIME. My grandma always told me a shot of whiskey when you are sick and you wake up feeling like a new person in the morning. She actually gave me whiskey when I got sick in europe with her and it totally worked. * NOW LET ME ALSO SAY THIS! I think when you are really sick you sleep poorly and the whiskey really only helps you sleep well...thus letting you rest and get better.
YEP... I am a pediatric nurse. There is no whiskey involved in my nursing practice so CALM DOWN! =)
So on to the serious stuff. Before leaving for church tonight I had a bit of a MELT DOWN. I was trying to find something to wear (I had been in sweats all day) and I maybe freaked out cause nothing fit. Or maybe it was because I feel like I just look fat and not really pregnant. I mean come on body! At 21 weeks can I start to look pregnant-like really pregnant?? PLEASE? Or maybe it is because I buy into lies that I am not pretty enough, not thin enough, not kind enough, not (you fill in word here). So I cried most of the way to church. My husband gave up trying to encourage me and it was a MIRACLE that I kept my mouth shut and didn't say something mean to my sweet hubby to make him feel bad like I was.
(I am getting to the point)
During Worship this is what I wrote in my journal.
I want to be FREE
From the LIES of the past
From self condemnation
From lies of the enemy
From lies I heard my mother speak over herself
From generations of self image bondage
MY GOD IS STRONGER
The speaker then spoke on "The battle within" and how that keeps us focused inward and unable to recognize or focus on the goal. The passage he used which he prefaced with "I don't know why I am using this but God told me multiple times this was the passage to use" was ROMANS 8...it starts off -There is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. Yep....I am kinda in Awe right now. I can and will be free of this battle. I WILL NOT let this be the example I set for my daughter. I do not want her beating herself up the way I do. Or believing horrible lies about herself...and that starts with me. Here, now. I am going to work on memorizing the passage from tonight. Because I need to beat myself over the head with it on a daily basis. I am free. Jesus Christ has "traded me" he became all the yuck and sin that I am so that I can be what he is...a loved and blessed child of God. I am so thankful for a Good God, and wonderful husband and the TRUTH that was spoken over me tonight.
that's all I've got-LA
amen, sister! and I thought you looked very cute and pregnant tonight. :)
ReplyDeletethis just gave me goosebumps. i LOVE it.
ReplyDeleteThis is something that, I imagine, most women feel/think/need. Including me. Thank you for this post!! I needed it
ReplyDeleteWow! That is awesome! I love it God meets us just when we can't go on anymore and gives what we need so we can give up and let Him do what He does best....free us.
ReplyDeleteLaurisa! I just wanted to say that you were absolutely GLOWING at Jess Blake's b-day party the other night! Beauty and sweetness flowed out from you. Hope you and Dan are doing well!
ReplyDelete