Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Goodbye little house

Yesterday, I spent most of the early afternoon cleaning the Reinhardt house. It was a very weird feeling to have my home completely empty. As our cleaning came to a close I started getting a little emotional.
I am so excited for a new adventure in our new house. But to stand in our first REAL house and have every word I said echo off the empty walls felt so sad. That is the house I brought my baby home to. It holds the sweetest and the most bitter memories of my life thus far. It is a place I cried many tears, learned that God's plan is much bigger than mine and that trusting him would not be the easy road. It is the place I learned the sound of my daughters laugh, that love is more powerful than any diagnosis or hurdle and that I can do hard things.
I couldn't help but think of the people that have lived in that home before, or the couple that is moving in this weekend. About stories that have been lived out in that home. The secrets those walls must keep. That home will be a sacred place in my hearts memory. I get emotional because that house is where I fell completely apart and began to rebuild my life again. 
I left my key on the counter, packed up my cleaning supplies, and pulled out of the driveway and I cried. Cried for the joy of feeling Emmaus kick for the first time as we played games with friends around the coffee table. Cried for the heartbreak of finding out Emmaus would have TSC. I cried for the wonderful memories of birthday parties, small groups, and friends gathered in that small space. I cried for the last moments Dan and I shared as a couple of two, ignorant to life without children. I cried for all the "firsts" we had in that home and all the "lasts".
I will miss that little house. 
Love, La

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Multitaskings and such

Does anyone else walk around their house "multi-tasking" while brushing their teeth?  I do this almost every day. And all that really happens is I walk around the house with a tooth-brush in my mouth. (rarely actually brushing as I "multi-task" then I return to the bathroom to "finish up" (which in reality means I stand there for another 1.5 minutes and brush my teeth- which I wasn't doing as I walked around the house) Anyone with me?

So for the last few months I have been refinishing furniture that we got (for free) from a friend. It was super nice to start with but I really wanted white. So I convinced dan to let me paint it. He agreed (unhappily). 
Man it has been a task. I stripped, sanded, primed and then painted it. I love how it is turning out. And I am ALMOST done. But have to drill new holes for several drawers. 

Here is a sneak peak- BEFORE, BARE WOOD & FINISHED.
My house looks like this...(Which is making me kinda crazy)
And then there is this. The most dramatic sleeper EVER. 

Just a few random things for today.
Love,
La

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

well hello there!

I know it's been a bloggin' slump around here lately.
I feel like this picture about sums it up. We've been feeling a bit out of sorts. Tired, Busy, and just not very pulled together.
That...and Time-warner cable sucks! Seriously 7/10 times I try to get on the internet it doesn't work. AND I just looked at our bill and saw they are raising our bill 5$ a month! UMM WHAT? yah..I don't think so. They are actually going to lower it 5 bucks a month after I talk to them tomorrow. (take that time warner)
We closed on our new house yesterday. I am pretty excited about it, a bit sad to leave this little house we rent..but onward to home ownership! (And a billion pintrest home projects!)

We cheered the Hawks onto a final four win...and through a very hairy loss to Kentucky (But let's be honest Kentucky looked like a pro team compared to everyone else they played in the tournament so it was not a big surprise they won!) We were very happy the hawks went so far and did so well!











Emmaus and I traveled to see my friend Laci in colorado (Laci's bday is in 37 minutes! Happy birthday Laci!) Emmaus did AWESOME on the flight!

Emmaus loved Laci's boys. And they loved her too. (And they were all super still so I could get a GREAT photo of them)

Emmaus got super spoiled and slept in bed with me in colorado...And even somehow conned me into holding her hand so she could fall asleep. (Yah I'm a sucker)


And then on top of that hogged the bed ***AND THE PILLOW*** the whole time. RUDE

We got back in time for Easter...which clearly she was thrilled about. 

We said goodbye to our favorite Aunt Sarah and Uncle Bobert...(They moved to maine...which made me cry. I look like a raccoon when I cry...its not pretty)

And then we have just been living some normal life. I know this pic is so dang cute you aren't seeing the outfit...but please take note- Dan placed a onesie OVER PJ pants (then proceeded to take her out of the house...I went to work and pretended like it wasn't going to happen)


A peek at our new place soon!
Love,
La

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Risen




It’s the moment when humanity
Is overcome by majesty

When grace is ushered in for good
And all our scars are understood

When mercy takes its rightful place
And all these questions fade away

When out of the weakness we must bow
And hear You say “It’s over now”
-Mercy Me


Death has been won.
He has RISEN!
Happy Easter
Love,
La

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Having faith while moving forward.

Having faith while moving forward. 
It is hard and somewhat discouraging to ask God for big things and having them work out differently than what we've asked for. I've written before about believing not only that God CAN do big things, but having the faith to believe he WILL do big things.  But what happens when what your asking for isn't God's plan? Yah- it sucks. Especially when you are vulnerable to really believe that he WILL do those things. 

Today as I was reading Matthew's account of Jesus's final days I read something interesting. Three times in the Garden Jesus prayed for God to take the burden of death from him but to give him strength if it is what he must endure (okay I totally paraphrased that, but whatever) 

It is comforting that even Christ was in my shoes. That he asked God for things to be different yet continued to walk forward trusting God's plan. 

So last 10 months I have been learning about faith. About having radical, crazy, vulnerable, unbelievable faith that God will come through in big ways. And now I am having to learn the second part. About continuing to move forward, to believe, to trust, while waiting or even if those things don't happen. 

I feel weak tonight. I feel tired and let down. I am discouraged with how Emmaus is doing. I am longing for her to be developing more, seizing less, and for TSC to be something that does not affect our lives so drastically.
I don't want to be on this road. I don't want this to be our story. And while I will ever be praying for a miracle, for a daughter that is free of this disease and a life that has less trials...I will continue to walk forward. To follow God's plan. Cause its better than mine anyway. 

Luckily- I know just like Jesus did that while the road here may be hard. There is hope in the resurrection. That  sickness, suffering, trials and death are only part of the story.   Thank you God for that reality. 

Philippians 2:8
And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

Love,
La 





Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Lost

I don't know how to start. Or what to say.
I hesitate to be as vulnerable or open as I usually am with my writing because I am somewhat ashamed of my reaction. My feelings.
It is my nature to turn to hope. To declare God is faithful. But today I don't feel that way. I don't see Gods goodness. Or his faithfulness.

You see we started praying for the Nagels a few years ago. They lost their 2 year old daughter to a failed adoption. We prayed for God to intervene in that time.
I have continued to pray for their family. As they heal, as they start over, as they began to hope for a new baby.
These people have become close to my heart. Not because they could pick me out of a crowd or because we know each other intimately...but because they are our brothers and sisters. Because they live in our community. Because they believe in the goodness of Jesus just like us.
Sunday I got a text from a friend telling me that the husband Matt suffered a Stroke while running a race. So we started praying. Believing. Faith of a mustard seed (RIGHT!??)
After several surgeries...procedures..and measures to protect his brain and body. It was just too much. Matts care transitioned to comfort care. He will be with Jesus today.

And honestly I am mad. I am angry. I begin to look at all that has happened to this sweet family. And I see it as unfair. Unmerciful.

And while my nature is to hope. My nature is to say God is faithful. Tonight I struggle to believe. I struggle to see the Goodness.

I was reading Emmaus the Jesus story book bible a little while ago and it said this

Talking about Jesus
"And, One day when He comes back to rule forever, the mountains and trees will dance and sing for joy! The earth will shout out loud! His fame will fill the whole earth-as the waters cover the sea! Everything sad will come untrue, Even death is going to die! And he will wipe away every tear from every eye. Yes, the Rescuer will come, Look for him, Watch for him. Wait for him. He will Come!
I promise."

Jesus please come.

Please pray for Molly and Harper, Matt's wife and daughter.

Love,
La